Today Is a Real Bitch – Not a Funny, Cool, or Sexy Bitch – This Bitch Cold

Get out your tiny violins, and settle in for a bitch-fest about a real bitch.  That bitch’s name is Today.

First, there was the traffic.  Some bitch in a Mercedes freaked out because I was going 60 mph in a 60 mph zone… behind 45 cars also going 60 mph.  Thus, it was definitely my fault that all the cars on the road were too slow for her.  Thank you, bitch.  Thank you for giving me the finger and honking at me inexplicably.  Even when I changed lanes (to get the eff out of your bitchy way), you cut in behind me.  Thanks.  I can definitely control traffic and construction and everyone around me and the weather.  I am amazing.

Second, some bumbling ass threw or left a sharp piece of metal in the middle of the road.  It promptly popped my tire.  I aggressively removed it from the street whilst cursing the heavens beyond reason.  I tried to change my own tire… and failed.  I cut myself on a rock(?) or some other such thing.  I managed to only be 15 minutes late for work.  I was enraged.

Third, when I slowly meandered to Discount Tire (which is a wonderful place), the gents in the back informed me that the wheel bearing I fixed three months ago, then 10 days ago was still bad and all kinds of broken.  Yay!  More money for the money pit.

Fourth, I realized I forgot to take out the recycling… for all of my buildings…

Fifth, I stepped on glass.

Sixth, I’m out of spinach.  This is a crisis.

Seventh, I missed poetry club for my damn car and I didn’t even get it fixed tonight.

Eighth, there is construction on every side of me.  I am trapped.  I am robbed of quiet, space, time, and order.  It is always dusty.  It is always loud.  Roads close randomly and without warning.  To leave my home, I must turn right, go two blocks, then right, then two blocks, then some other random shit I can’t control… After that, I get to choose.  I choose rage.  So much rage.

There, now I have finished whining.  This is not our usual format, but I am not usually this angry for this long a period of time for personal reasons.

Today is a real bitch.  I will now go play the world’s smallest violin.