So, Pregnancy Is Inevitable Now?

DO NOT WANT.

I’m pretty afraid of pregnancy.  I think a majority of sexually active women in their twenties are also quite afraid of babies appearing inside their bodies.  Pregnancy is a constant threat weighing on us 75-90% of the time.  The other 10-25% of the time we have cramps, so we’re pretty sure we are not pregnant in those moments.  Those are good moments.  Those are moments that remind me of freedom, that ring of choice and birth control, and that remind that I am NOT ready to be a parent.  I’m far too creeped out by pregnancy.  I mean, my god!  Think about it.  Pregnancy is terrifying and a constant threat.  It takes you over.  It wins.  It is very, very scary.

Why is pregnancy so scary?

Oh, I don’t know… Maybe because a parasite grows inside of you?  Maybe because it makes your boobs go crazy?  Maybe because it’s the thing all women fear before some crazy switch goes off in their head?  Maybe because your body will never be the same?  Maybe because if you have a baby, you ALWAYS have it?  Pregnancy is imprisonment, and it’s a lifetime sentence.  Did I mention the stuff it can do to your body?

THERE ARE EIGHT BABIES IN THERE! EIGHT!

You might be wondering what prompted such a vile spew of anti-pregnancy thoughts, the answer is fear.  Pregnancy is not inevitable for me.  I believe in birth control and I know how to use.  It’s a good thing, y’all.

Lately, a lot of people (mostly my mother and my boyfriend’s friends) have been really chatting me up about babies. The message seems to be: “Pregnancy is inevitable.” I mean, I get what they’re saying. Maybe I will eventually decide to do that to myself or to let someone do that to me.  They all seem to think that for me not to know or for me to deny wanting children is blasphemous.  It’s not.  Some women don’t have children.  Some women don’t want children.  Some women don’t want to make their own.  Maybe I just don’t know.  I do know that I want to avoid this question.

Don’t ask.  Don’t wish babies on me.  That’s weird.

I know that a lot of women talk about the magic of childbirth, but I think many women have also experienced/are currently experiencing life as someone who is deeply and violently frightened of pregnancy and children. I’m tired of people telling me that I have to have kids. I don’t know what the hell I want. I’m 23. Back off.

Why is pregnancy being discussed as an inevitability?  Or at least, why is it being discussed as a fast-approaching, oncoming train?

No.

THIS IS WHAT IT DOES TO YOUR BODY. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. OH MY GOD.

Basically, babies come from explosions in women’s bodies.  They are scary.  They shoot out of places and things go boom.  Then they cry a lot.  They cry so much.  There is so much stuff happening.  I get that babies are cute and stuff, but wowzers.  No thank you.

The babies get inside of you and then they try to get out of you.

There is just so much scary stuff about this. For example, THERE IS A HUMAN TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM THIS WOMAN’S STOMACH.

Sometimes I have dreams about babies happening, and I wake up in cold sweat.  I don’t wake up smiling and laughing and clapping my hands.  I wake up terrified.  Sometimes I have dreams about drinking and running and being awesome and single and not having babies and keeping my body the same shape.  Those are times when I wake up comforted and happy and joyous and giggly.  Good stuff.

Sometimes I think about my life in ten years.  When I think about that life including kids, it feels messy and sloppy and loud.  When I think about it without kids, it feels messy and sloppy and loud… Wait.  I guess those are the same.

Sometimes I imagine what would happen if I got preggers right now, and while it is better than a teenager getting preggers, it’s still not my favorite idea.

Also, this:

There are just so many things that can happen.  So many babies can happen.  So. Many. Babies.

Stop Having Babies. Seriously.

I have never watched TLC’s “19 and Counting.” However, my boyfriend left the TV on the Today Show when he left this morning, and I happened to catch a segment with a family that was expecting their twentieth child.

WHAT THE HELL!? I immediately used the google machine to find out who these “Duggar” people were… and found their TLC show website. Oh my god. There are so many things wrong with having that many children when modern medicine has advanced far enough to keep most, if not all, of our offspring alive. A twenty-two person family is ridiculous. And some of those kids are having GRANDKIDS. How old are they, like 23? Good god, give it a rest–aren’t you already sick of never having a life and only knowing the noise of a crying child in your home? Get a dog or something for pete’s sake.

Additionally, the mom must have been pregnant with very little time non-preggers for the last twenty years. Who wants to be endlessly pregnant for two decades, and have to take care of all the kids you popped out along the way? If that’s not a living hell, I don’t know what is. Unless you are an attention whore and love the praise you get for being knocked up (because everyone who gets knocked up is apparently a saint. Way to go!).

If these people didn’t have a TV show, there’s no way they wouldn’t be living in or near poverty, unless they were independently wealthy. Giant families like this often rely on the generosity of others to pay their bills, buy clothes for their kids, and feed their family. This is not a cut against their work ethic or anything–just simple math. A family of twenty two is more like a small colony. Your family is four times bigger than what is already considered a large family (two parents, three kids). What really irritates me is that these people could easily avoid a giant family. It’s called birth control pills. Or a condom. Seriously. You’re not going to hell for it, and it’s more responsible to actually be able to raise the kids you popped out instead of making your older children raise the younger ones.

I just don’t understand the logic behind being perpetually pregnant and having a ton of kids. Just don’t. Seriously. Adopt some kids who need a home if you want a ton of kids. Having twenty children is just irresponsible and selfish.