Shaking hands with people is part of being an adult. It’s not just for dads and old dudes. People need to get used to this because it’s a normal thing for adults and business people. Don’t be a weirdo and offer your limp hand to a stranger while mumbling something that sounds like it might be a name as you stare into the abyss that is your iPhone. You’re an ass. Stop it. Shake hands like a grown-up. People my age don’t seem to understand the value of a firm handshake while making eye contact. People my age don’t seem to have any people skills at all. People my age are assholes. For real, y’all… grow up.
A proper handshake tells others that you are confident, professional, and not a complete pariah. A weird, fumbling, limp, gross handshake tells people that you are an idiot who can’t even figure out how to hold your own hand out for shaking. Why are you so stupid? Perhaps, I should say, “You dumb, why?”
Shaking hands isn’t just about manners; it is a sign of your self-image. I meet a lot of new people in both of my jobs, and introducing myself like an adult is a big part of that. People like when I look at them. People like when I can grab their hand confidently and properly greet them. It’s how you learn names. It’s how you prove you know what’s going on around. It’s a way to gain respect. It’s a way to connect. It’s how you do this shizz.
Be an adult. Shake hands. Look at people’s eyes. Stop texting and look say your name clearly.
Don’t look like a douche.
Don’t be a dead fish.
Just shake hands like a real person, you hag!
PS – I typed this while my finger was bleeding a lot, so it’s extra special!