Get Sick with Me

Being in a relationship while being sick means likely exposing one’s partner to that sickness.  It means that if you spend any time together, the non-sick party is signing up to get sick.  Love is a game of sacrifice.

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If your significant other is ill, you might be asking yourself how you will get out of touching them, kissing them, caring for them, etc.  Well, you can’t.

Basically, if you have the flu, your girlfriend will get the flu.  If you have strep throat, your boyfriend is probably going to get strep throat.  This is yet another reason that being in a relationship with an adult is a lot like having a child.  It’s pretty annoying… but I guess it’s sort of worth it.  I guess.

There is just so much risk involved.  Once you’ve been dating someone for a while, you’re sort of obligated to kiss them hello and goodbye.  Heck, you need to kiss them if they bring you water, or cook dinner, or tell you something nice, or if they had a bad day, or to apologize.  There are so many reasons you might want to or feel obligated to kiss them.  You kind of have to kiss your significant other even if they’re covered in boils and snot while coughing and feverishly wandering the halls of their home.  As their significant other, it’s your job.

What does this mean?  This means, you have to suck it up, kiss them on the face, and hope you’ve built up an immunity.

Will you risk kissing them?

Will they kiss you?

Will you regret splitting that malted milk at the drive-in theater?

Because you love your significant other and they love you, you will also have to care for them – at least a little – while they are sick.  Unless you are willing to lose your relationship, you just have to take the risk of getting ill by bringing them soup, hugging them, helping them get to and from the doctor’s office, and so on.  They would do it for you.  Do it for them.  They’ll really appreciate it.  If they don’t, they might be terrible.

10 Ways to Test Your Relationship

Relationships are hard, weird, and hopefully great.  Every relationship will be tested naturally, but if you’re looking for ways to see just how strong, or good, or whatever your relationship is, here are some ideas.

  1. Ask about porn.  When you do this, make sure to ask about the frequency, type, subject, and any other details you can imagine.  The more you push for details, the more of a test it really will be.  Once you’ve completed asking about this wonderful subject, make  certain you share your interests and preferences just as openly.
  2. Road Trip!  Being trapped in a car for hours and hours and hours is a sure-fire way to see if you secretly hate each other.  Plus, if your partner doesn’t shoot you when you scream and startle them upon seeing a spider…  You’re golden.
  3. Fart in front of your partner while maintaining eye contact.  I haven’t tried this, but it seems like it would work.
  4. Have a really awful day.  Then, hang out.  While it’s hot.  And you’re tired.  Experiment away!
  5. Go hiking.  You will quickly learn if you or your partner are whiny, lazy, weepy, weak, annoying, or cool.
  6. Debate who is weirder.  This will get ugly fast.  You will see what your partner finds odd and possibly annoying about you.  If you can withstand this, you’ll be alright.
  7. Have weird sex.  I don’t care if it’s role play, bondage, blindfolded, exhibitionist, group, or just different – try something a little out of your comfort zone together.  When you do this, you will either build trust and see that you already have a great deal.  OR it will be an awkward mess and perhaps a sign that you should avoid each other forever.  OR maybe it’s bad, but you can both laugh.  It’s a test.  You be the judge.
  8. Meet the parents.  What could be more telling than that?  Do you hate your partner’s parents?  Do they hate yours?  Are they creepy together?  Do you feel judged?  It will be awkward, but you can do it… and if you can’t, maybe you’ve failed.
  9. Meet the friends.  You will be judged so damn hard.  Get ready.  Get set.  Get to impressing.  Friends will tell it like it is.  You have to impress each other’s friends, or you will ruin each other’s lives.
  10. Throw up on your partner’s bedroom floor.  Trust me, this will test you both. Big time.  If your partner simply begins to take care of you, cleans your barf, and then refuses to sleep to maintain surveillance of you and your illness for the night, then they are awesome, and they deserve major rewards.  If they get mad at you and tell you to clean it up, they might be a real dick.  The lover that holds your hair deserve high praise and hella love.