Quotes from Children Yelling in a Deli

I spent a good portion of Sunday afternoon in a deli, which was overrun with rambunctious children for a little over an hour.  They were eating frozen yogurt and it was horrifying and funny.  There was a lot of controversy over who got what toppings and if these toppings were “fair.”  There were two adult women (known as Mommy) and about six kids.  They were loud and proud.  Oh, and weird.  They were wonderfully weird.  Here is a sampling of what I heard.

“You’re mommy has a STINK FLOWER!”

“Mom.  Am I invisible now?”
“How ’bout now?”
“Now?”

“She called me a ‘PEANUT.  Punish her.”

(Hits brother.)
“He hit himself!  It wasn’t me.  It wasn’t!”
(Brother silently weeps.)

“Mommy, get me water.  I’m thirsty.  Mommy!  Water!  Water!   Please get me water.  I want water.  Water!  Can you get me water, pleeeaaassseee?  Mommy?  Are you dead?  Can you hear me?  Get me WATER!  Where is the water?  Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  Can you PLEASE get me some water?  I’m thirsty.  I need water.  I’m thirsty for water!  MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!”

“Let’s attack the water.”
“Why?”
“Because it must DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!”

“This place has been attacked by zombies.  The zombie gave me ice cream.  This is zombie ice cream.  These are zombie gummy worms! Everyone run!” (This did scare one of the smaller girls with them.)

“You sit. I talk.  Those are the rules!”

“Why is the baby SO FAT?”

“Mommy.  Am I pooping?”

“Is this my new room?”

“BATHROOM!  NOW!”
(Dramatic pause.)
“Nevermind.  It’s too late.”
(Look of fear on mother’s face unlike anything I’ve ever seen.)

“I’m going to be a monkey.  Watch!” (Climbs wall.  Falls.  Cries.)

“Where’s dad?”

“Mommy, can we have a screaming contest?”

“I want to open the door!”
“NO! It’s my turn.”
“NEVER!”

“I’m the fastest boy.” (Runs.  Falls.  Cries.)

“I can smell you from the night!”
“Well, you smell like a meanie!”
“They can smell you on the moon… because you smell so bad.”
“I hate you.”
(Moms comes around the corner and gives the two boys a look.)
Together: “Love you.” (They hug.)