Pick Your Punctuation: one is enough!


.

?

!

These are the three acceptable ways to end a sentence.

!!!

???

Only one of these is acceptable. (Can you guess which?) If you’re going to ask a question or exclaim something, only one of the corresponding marks is really necessary. Three might be, sometimes, maybe acceptable. Such as for a drunken text, or if you just won the lottery (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Or if you’re referring to the band known as “!!!”

Mixing punctuation marks is a no, no matter what your situation. .! or !. is not acceptable. Are you exclaiming or stating? I’m confused. I think you’re confused, so maybe you should decide and then PICK ONE. Additionally, although it is feasible to both exclaim and state simultaneously (yet without double punctuation), asking a question and making a statement at once is a paradox. Therefore, these

?. / .?

MAKE NO SENSE! And these

.! /!.

ARE EQUALLY STUPID.

 

So do us all a favor and pick your punctuation like you pick a fine wine. Be decisive and selective, because right now, you only get one.

Baby Talk (is awful)

 

While I am goo-goo for Gaga, I’m pretty hardset against goo-goo and ga-ga baby talk.  You’re an adult.  Speak like an adult.  Don’t call your significant other “Booboo” or “My Wittle Wuv Monkey,” or anything remotely like that in public; it’s gross.  I don’t even think it’s okay for adults to use pet names in public for the most part.  Calling someone “Honey,” or “Dear,” or some tame name like those is fine because it’s not gross, it doesn’t feel dirty or drippy with sweetness.  Calling someone “Baby” or “Babe” or “Boo” or “Monkey” or whatever the hell you call them in bed is unacceptable.  Ask yourself: “Have I used this name while screwing?”  If the answer is yes, the name is private only.  If the answer is no, you can proceed with caution.  Think about it, in what situation can you imagine someone saying, “Oh yeah!  Go faster, honey!” in the bedroom.  Doesn’t that seem unlikely?
 
As a self-respecting adult, you shouldn’t speak a fake baby.  It makes you look stupid, crazy and really annoying.  Also, real babies don’t talk like that.  If you have a child, maybe you should try speaking to that child in your real voice while using real words.  Hearing actual means of communication will teach the child how to properly speak.  Would you want your children to actually speak in the way you seem to like to speak to them?  Baby talk is stupid.

Also, do you not know grammar?  Using improper grammar isn’t adorable.  It’s not even okay.  It’s just stupid.  Ugh…

 
I’m not against the occasional coochie-coo talk to actual babies; it’s cute, and they’re cute.  I get it.  I think it is good to tell children that they are cute and wonderful.  I do it too.  However, give kids some credit.  They can understand normal words.  They will appreciate being spoken to in normal ways.  Children are smarter than you realize.  Plus, they say awesome things.  Let the kids be cute and awesome.  Accept the fact that you are older and a little less awesome.