Don’t Sniff Me, Bro!

No, really, please don’t sniff me.

Apparently, I smell amazing.  I don’t wear perfume, but I do wash myself and put on deodorant every single morning.  I even go so far as to buy shampoo and conditioner that smells great.  I buy soap that smells like flowers.  I even like how my acne-reducing face lotion smells.  So, I guess…  You’re welcome, world!

While I am thrilled that I smell so entrancingly amazing, I am not so thrilled that I was sniffed today.  That’s right, a man made creepy eye contact with me as he approached me in the copy room, then as I tried to move away from the fax machine, he paused, looked me up and down, then sniffed me.  Loudly.

Needless to say, it was friggin’ creepy.  I walked into the copy room feeling safe, I walked out of the copy room feeling as if I had been violated – like someone had stuck their face in my personal space and taken a big ass sniff right in my face.  

Why did you sniff me?  Why did you look at me like that?  Why would you want to smell a stranger?  Please don’t eat me!

All the social cues I have learned, unlearned, and re-learned later have taught me that smelling people is a little weird.  You don’t sniff your waiter, your coworkers, your accountant, your professor, etc. because it is a violation of personal space, and it makes you seem like a serial killer.  When this strange-looking stranger smelled me, I felt sure that he was planning to either murder me or sex me up; I’m still not sure what he chose.

This also just felt inappropriate for work.  You shouldn’t be making your coworkers uncomfortable; you should just send your faxes and make your copies without dramatics.  It made me feel like we were dogs, meeting each other for the first time on a public trail.  “Sniff!  Sniff!  Your butt smells new!  Yay!  I’m a dog!”  I am not a dog.  He might have been, though. Ugh!

Please, bro, don’t sniff me.