Look Before You Squat: One Woman’s Advice on Toilet Seats

Ladies, look before you sit.  This seems to have reached epidemic levels.  Ladies’ lady parts are plunging themselves into toilets because they aren’t looking before plopping their naked asses on seats other people pee on.  This is something I, as a lady, find confusing.  You see, I’m quite protective of my bum and genitals, thus I look before I squat.

I always have, and thus, I have never fallen into the toilet.  I am really tired of hearing women complain about men leaving the seat up like they’re being attacked and/or disrespected.  Someone just forgot.  It’s like if someone left a seat cushion off a couch…  but you’d probably see that first, and then put it back before setting your rear end on it.  How is this a guy’s responsibility?  You should be more concerned about your own bum.  You should care more.  You shouldn’t feel so entitled.  Also, it’s just a damn toilet seat.  Just move it.  You’ll have to wash your hands either way.

Yes, I think it makes sense for the person who originally moved the seat to move it back, but who gives a crap?  (Pun SO, SO intended.)

Just look.  You’re putting your naked butt (which is really close to you genitals) on something AND YOU’RE NOT GONNA LOOK?

Just look.  What if there’s pee on the seat?  What if someone else’s pubes are on the seat?  Wouldn’t you want to check for that anyway?  Wouldn’t you also want to make sure there’s TP while you’re at it.  Just look.

What? Why? Live Feed from the “Twilight Premier”

I went to Yahoo.com to check my email – my boss chose the site, don’t judge me.  The first story on the Yahoo! homepage?  A live feed is available from the new “Twilight” movie’s premiere.  This just means you can watch a bunch of famous, and not-so-famous people give incredibly brief interviews about a terrible movie.  Come on.  You don’t need to see the stars of this movie walk down a red carpet in fancy clothes?  How does that add to your experience?

Evidence here: Live! Red Carpet Coverage of “Breaking Dawn”

Why are people so obsessed with this?  These books don’t have good stories.  The main character is a girl who decides to get married straight out of high school, does not even consider going to college, and she’s completely dependent on this dude… WHO IS A VAMPIRE.

It hurts my soul.

Oh, it hurts my soul.

Wait, do Twilight vampires have souls?

Your “Baby Daddy” Is a Minor. Um…

Okay, Mariah Yeater, age 20, you had a baby three months ago.  I’ll give you that.  When you had that poor baby, you decided to name him Tryston?  That’s strike one.  You also went to a Justin Bieber concert at 19?  Strike two.  Strike three is that you are now claiming that when you went to that concert, you got knocked up by Justin Bieber, which means you had sex with Justin Bieber when you were 19, and he was 16…  THAT MEANS HE WAS A CHILD.  That means, your obviously bogus claim that a superstar knocked you up in a backstage bathroom also means you are claiming that you had sex with a child.

You were an adult – age 19.

He was a minor – age 16.

You are gross.

Any time a chick claims some famous dude is her baby daddy, I feel pretty skeptical.  The fact that this chick is claiming that a minor/superstar is her baby daddy makes me really angry.  I’m not a huge Bieber fan; I find him a little annoying.  However, the kid is talented and he seems like a nice boy.

This whole thing is crazy.  I really think this chick is lying.  If she’s not, it will break the heart of hundreds of thousands of girls.  If she’s lying, (which she is) then she’s pretty much screwing her kid forever.  That kid’s life will always be tarnished with the trashiness and desperation of his mother.

GROSS.

 

 

Fetus Pornography Is NOT Helping Your Cause

Dear Pro-Lifers,

I get that you want every baby born.  I also get that abortions upset you and make you sad.  Abortions are hard on everyone, even the people who get them.  I really doubt there was ever a pregnant woman waltzing about excitedly at the idea of getting an abortion.  Thankfully I have never had to wrestle with that decision, but I promise that this is one I would take lightly.  However, I do have a legal choice.  Now, I know you’re mad about it; I see that you’re mad.  I am sitting here, acknowledging that your anger is an issue for you and that this issue is serious.  However, I don’t think you have the right or the reason to throw giant, enlarged pictures of bloody fetuses all over public areas.  Stop it.

These pictures reach a point where they are simply pornographic and indecent for public display.  Sidewalks and roadways are not text books; they are not even the same as public websites because someone at least chooses to visit your site.  When you subject the general passersby to your violent, horrific images of fetuses, you are publically displaying pornography.

If you had a problem with gang-bang porn, would you prove your point by publicly displaying giant images of penises coming in and out of vaginas?  Somehow, I doubt that.  I find your fetus pornography offensive.

For the record, I also find your assumptions offensive.  Why not just use pictures of Jesus holding babies to play up your obvious religious guilt angle?  Think about how funny/awesome that would be.  Think about how much less terrifying that would be for the various children, adults, impressionable people, young people, emotional wrecks, and general folks who don’t want to see bloody fetuses when they are walking to and from work, school, dinner, and so on.

Oh, and for the record, I was a choice.  Any children I have will be a choice.  Feel free to choose to disagree, but please keep your fetus pictures to yourself.