- Ohio State fans are everywhere, and they keep strengthening my stereotypes. The ones I saw were loud, made annoying parenting decisions, let kids swim during the adult swim hour, and were simply rude.
- Forest fires don’t scare enough people. No fear.
- Don’t scream when you see a spider… At least not while the driver is merging into four lanes of traffic. He will smite you.
- The art of secret farting is lost on some people.
- Don’t buy a salad in the U.P. Don’t even try.
- The driver controls the radio. Give up on those CDs you brought because it’s so not happening.
- Freighters are gigantic and terrifying. So are people from Ohio. (Not really, but it’s funny.)
- Rocks are still the most interesting part of my day.
- Bears are terrifying – even when they’re stuffed and in a glass box.
- Children are terrifying – especially if they enter your hot tub. Game over.
I’ve seen and heard a lot of dumb things on the bus. I don’t know what it is about being among strangers on a moving vehicle that makes people want to act inappropriately, but there’s definitely something going on.
Today, I saw a woman CLIPPING HER FINGERNAILS on the bus. Yes. You know, what you usually do over the trash can. Or a toilet. ALONE.
I even get grossed out when my boyfriend clips his nails in front of me. There’s something about clipped nails that is nasty (and I hear they’re one of the most germ-friendly places on your body, too, by the way) and it is definitely not something I’d do in front of anyone, let alone on a bus full of strangers. Not only is it super gross to hear your fingernails snapping off but I really don’t want to be the person who sits down after you in a pile of “debris.”
For anyone who has the urge to cut their fingernails in public, consider this a friendly piece of advice: DO IT AT HOME. IN YOUR BATHROOM. ALONE.
For more on gross public transportation behavior, visit Train Pigs.
So, I’ve been in the great American southeast for the past ten days. On the threshold of returning to my lovely midwest, I would like to point out three weird things.
1. No one in Tennessee uses their blinker. No one. Indicators are your friends… especially when you’re trying to turn left over six lanes of traffic! Use them!
2. There is no cold water. Yeah. It’s so effing hot outside that cold water is a joke. You turn on the cold water faucet and think you messed up because all you get is water that feels like its been sitting in a small pool on blacktop for four hours. The only way I could get any real cold water was by melting ice.
3. Why isn’t your soda fizzy, great American South? I’ve had Diet Cokes from Tennessee to Louisiana and all of it sucks! It tastes weird and flat, like Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi after it sat for too many days in a hot car. What’s the deal?
I never thought I’d say it, but I think–weirdly enough–the midwest ain’t so bad after all.