Manly Men

Apparently, being a man is everything.  It is fricking everything.  BUT, being brave is not being a man; it’s just being brave.  Sure, I like to say, “Man up!” or “Grow a pair!” as much as the next person, but I think we need to consider the implications of these little phrases.  These phrases imply that to be brave, we must tap into our inner-dude.  They imply that only men are brave.  For me, this just isn’t going to work.  If it takes balls to have balls, then I must have balls… right?

The thing is, I don’t have or want actual balls, but I’ll be damned if someone gets something I don’t because they do.  I certainly have figurative balls, or cajones, or “a pair” (of balls).  I’m brave.  I’m assertive.  I’m sick of people marrying these traits to masculinity.  Whatever happened to the whole “I am woman, hear me roar!” thing?  Women can be assertive, aggressive, brave and ballsy without being mannish or unwomanly.  Being brave doesn’t make me a bitch; being a bitch makes me a bitch.  I am still feminine when I am assertive.  I am still a woman when I’m knocking a man down a few notches.  Also, just because I’m destroying some dude in a debate, argument, drinking contest, arm wrestling match, wood chopping contest, four wheeler race or whatever I’m doing that day, it doesn’t mean I’m emasculating him.  I’m just beating him.  I’m winning.  He’s losing.  He’s still a boy and I’m still a girl.


Being tough shouldn’t challenge my femininity or anyone else’s masculinity.  I get to be a tough womanly woman.

When people say, “Man up!” they are telling someone to do the right thing, to step up to a challenge, to face their fears.  I can do all those things without manning up, I just do them.  Am I womanning up?  Am I chicking up?  What’s happening then?

I can do what a man does.  I can fight a man if I need to, and I have.  My friends can vouch for that.  I use a lot of f-bombs and call people dude.  It’s part of how I fight.

Chicks rule.  We don’t need to be dudes.  Listen to Jessie J.

Or, for a lesson in true masculinity, look at Neville.

Haters!!1!!1! (part one)

Urban Dictionary defines “hater” as “A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesnt [sic] really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock somelse [sic] down a notch.”

I hear this word a lot in rap/hip-hop songs. Often the user is referring to the haters as their own, as in “I got haters.” Okay, so maybe hip-hop stars can legitimately make this claim. I can reasonably believe that people are jealous of someone with fame, money, women, etc. I start to raise my skeptic flag high, however, when I see stuff like this on Twitter and YouTube from Average Joe and Average Jane.

Additionally, when these people say ‘haters,’ they do, it seems, wish to imply a vague sense of jealousy radiating from the accused party toward themselves. Recall the phrase ‘Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…’ yadda yadda. But really?

Here’s the facts: no one knows you so nobody can hate you. You don’t have an unspecified, shadowy group of ‘haters.’ You’re 12, or at least have the mentality of a 12 year old. No one is scanning through your Facebook photos or your 140 character tweets thinking about how much they want to be you. What do you have? Other than way too much time on your hands to be informing the world wide intarwebs that they’re all your haters…

This also applies to all you idiots who use the phrase ‘BE JEALOUS!!!!’ after you state what you’re doing. Why not just ask people to be happy for you? Why promote bad feelings? Why must you revel in 12 year old internet drama?! You really just end up looking like a fool, because everyone knows you don’t have haters. You just have eye-rollers. Same goes for the claim of fake vs. real. You’re “so real”? IT’S THE INTERNET, GODDAMNIT! Nothing is real! Nothing has mass or density or volume! Therefore–not real!

To sum up, I leave you with the wisdom of the 4chan superstar known as Jessi Slaughter, who is an imbalanced, foul-mouthed, eleven year-old phenomenal combo of stupidity and insanity, and the “Leave Britney Alone” Guy, Chris Crocker. Don’t take my word for why using terms and phrases like ‘haters,’ ‘be jealous,’ and ‘fake’ is dumb. Watch and learn (beware for work; this is definitely not suitable for the office!):