10 Things I Hate About Pedestrians

Pedestrians should be a respected, respectable group of humans.  I love that you are getting your walk on.  I support it.  You should walk more often, so I’m happy to see you walking.  However, you should also try to be safe.  Here are some things you are doing wrong.

  1. Look up! You are walking in front of cars.  Do not trust cars.  Do not assume cars will stop moving to avoid crushing/impaling/ruining your fleshy bodies.  Cars are not reliable.  Look up and assess the situation.  You shouldn’t only look up, of course, but it does help from time to time.
  2. Look around! Watch the people.  Some of the people around you may be trying to steal from you, return things you have dropped, talk to you, hit on you, yell at you, or even give you free stuff.  Know your surroundings.  There are cool things to see.  There are people to see.  The world is a great place, so look at it.
  3. Don’t text. Your text can wait until you’ve safely stopped, until you’ve finished crossing the street, until you aren’t at risk of body-checking a stranger.
  4. Single file in crowded areas.  Two-abreast at most!  There are other people on the sidewalks.  Let them pass.  Just because you have four people in your group does not mean you get to walk in a line that blocks all other.
  5. Do not stop randomly.  There are people behind you.  They will run into you.  Pull to the side and pause.  Don’t pull the e-break unless necessary.
  6. Be clothed.  I’m sick of seeing people’s under-butts, baby-makers, and general genitalia.
  7. Look, then merge.  You are a solid object.  Other people are solid objects.  Wait to merge until there is an opening… like driving.
  8. Don’t swear around children.  C’mon.  Be polite.  There are kiddos around you.
  9. No screaming.  Just stop screaming.  Please.
  10. No littering.  It’s illegal.  It’s rude.  It’s messy.  It’s altogether uncouth.  Find a trash can, you lazy-bones.

This is you. You are hard to see.

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