The Disappearing Daters, Part 1

The Fade-Away Boyfriend

This is the guy you date for a while, maybe as many as seven or eight dates that all seem normal, even good.  Then, suddenly, the dude stops calling, texting, responding, and a few days later, you realize you’re no longer dating.  He never tells you.  He never says a word about it.  He just disappears.

Occasionally, one of these disappeared-dudes will suddenly reappear.  This is usually after you have accepted the communication silence as a sign that you are no longer dating; thus, it will probably enrage you.  You’ll be all like: “What the hell, dude?  You haven’t talked to me in a month!”  Then, he’ll be all like: “So, wanna go to a play tomorrow?”  Then, you’ll be all like: “No. You haven’t talked to me in a month.” And then he’ll re-disappear.  Everyone will walk away a little confused.

Perhaps we can all agree that relationships expire after 10 days of no contact?

The Missed-Text Fictioner

You text on Tuesday morning.  You receive this text on Wednesday night: “Oh, I didn’t see your text until just now.”

Right, because you don’t carry your phone in your pocket… on which you didn’t update your facebook status… using which you sent no emails.  Right…

Maybe you just don’t want to talk to me?  Just be upfront, weirdo.

This is an amazing meme.

The “I-Lost-My-Phone”-Liar

No you didn’t.

Lots of people claim to have lost phones, which results in losing numbers, not responding, and apparently losing all access to all forms of communication.  In this day and age, that is just not the case.  There are so many computers available, and so many ways to communicate.  If you really wanted to talk to me, you would be talking to me.

If you find yourself dating someone who intermittently loses their phone, or doesn’t see your messages, or forgets to call you, give up on them.  They are in the process of disappearing, and you should get out before you start to care a lot.  You are playing a dangerous game.

The “He-Didn’t-Wow-Me”-Ladypants

Imagine you go on a date with some chick that your friends set up with for a lovely blind-date; it goes pretty well.  Now, imagine you ask that chick on another date, but you never hear back.  You try again.  No response.  Naturally, you ask your friend what the deal is.  Why isn’t this fine little honey calling you back?

Your friend investigates and finds out that the girl was altogether unimpressed with you because you were “clearly not trying to WOW her.”  She apparently was offended that you brought no flowers, no gifts, and that you allowed the date to be paid “dutch” after she asked to pay…  Um…  She did not bring you flowers.  She brought you no chocolates or gifts.  What the hell?

This crazy bizzo actually expected to receive gifts on a first date.  Let this one disappear.  Let her disappear hard.

Your-Name-Makes-Me-Run-Away

Ladies sometimes consider what last name they might take on – if they are straight, plan to marry, and have traditional views on name-changing (or perhaps a terrible last name that they wouldn’t mind losing).  This means that we must consider what a last name could do to us.  If I consider hyphenating my name (last name WHITE), I have to be careful.  If I marry someone whose last name is Powers, or Mann, or Ness, or Powder, or Snow… well, it would be bad.  Seeing as my first name is Patty, I also don’t want to take the last name Cakes, or Hamburg.  I feel it would be bad.

Some girls are so afraid of bad last names, they will break-up with someone upon learning it.  I know a dude who was dumped because the girl felt that if she ever were to take his name, it would ruin her life.  His last name is fine, but for a 6’1″, muscular, rugby-playing woman, his name was a deal-breaker.  She said that because people already thought she was a cross-dresser, she couldn’t handle a last name like his.  I will leave out his name, but give you some similar examples: Mann, Biggs, Hardeman, StrongMan, BigGuy, ManLady, etc.


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