No, really, please don’t sniff me.
Apparently, I smell amazing. I don’t wear perfume, but I do wash myself and put on deodorant every single morning. I even go so far as to buy shampoo and conditioner that smells great. I buy soap that smells like flowers. I even like how my acne-reducing face lotion smells. So, I guess… You’re welcome, world!
While I am thrilled that I smell so entrancingly amazing, I am not so thrilled that I was sniffed today. That’s right, a man made creepy eye contact with me as he approached me in the copy room, then as I tried to move away from the fax machine, he paused, looked me up and down, then sniffed me. Loudly.
Needless to say, it was friggin’ creepy. I walked into the copy room feeling safe, I walked out of the copy room feeling as if I had been violated – like someone had stuck their face in my personal space and taken a big ass sniff right in my face.
Why did you sniff me? Why did you look at me like that? Why would you want to smell a stranger? Please don’t eat me!
All the social cues I have learned, unlearned, and re-learned later have taught me that smelling people is a little weird. You don’t sniff your waiter, your coworkers, your accountant, your professor, etc. because it is a violation of personal space, and it makes you seem like a serial killer. When this strange-looking stranger smelled me, I felt sure that he was planning to either murder me or sex me up; I’m still not sure what he chose.
This also just felt inappropriate for work. You shouldn’t be making your coworkers uncomfortable; you should just send your faxes and make your copies without dramatics. It made me feel like we were dogs, meeting each other for the first time on a public trail. “Sniff! Sniff! Your butt smells new! Yay! I’m a dog!” I am not a dog. He might have been, though. Ugh!
Please, bro, don’t sniff me.