Flirting Etiquette: Hospitals

Upon reading this title, I’m sure you thought to yourself, “Flirting in a hospital?  That seems normal and productive.  If I was in a working hospital, I would totally enjoy, and not at all be annoyed by someone hitting on me.”  This reaction means you’ve probably watched “Grey’s Anatomy,” or “ER,” which show how great work romances are.  It never gets complicated, and it will definitely improve your job performance. Right?  It would never distract you from saving someone’s life, or make you seem unprofessional.

Now, what if I add the fun element of a non-professional flirting environment?  As in, what if a non-employee and an employee were to flirt?  Remember when Izzie loved Denny?  It’s like that.

BUT IT’S NOT.  Real life is not “Grey’s Anatomy.”  If that was true, every doctor (except for one) would be super hot, and having sex all the time.  Every closet is a sex dungeon on that show.  Unacceptable.

If I’m in a frigging hospital, and I don’t work there (as evidenced by the lack of badge), I’m probably not having the best day.  If it’s 5:00 AM, and I’m sitting alone drinking black coffee and rubbing my eyes, I’m not feeling sexy.  No sexy.  No thank you.  Ever heard the phrase, “Timing is everything?”  Yeah, didn’t think so.

People in the hospital cafeteria without ID badges, without scrubs, or other official looking garb are not employees, and thus are patrons of your employer: the mighty hospital.  The tired, unwashed masses of people nervously waiting for their pagers to buzz with news of their relatives’ well-being are not interested in finding love – not right now.

Also, unless you feel something sudden and special, you should know better than to drop old lines on tired ladies.  Are you stupid, or just lazy?  Do you not get this?  What’s the f’ing deal?

I’m here because someone I love is having surgery.  Dangerous, big-fucking-deal surgery.  So maybe you should reevaluate your tired-ass lines, your baggy pants, your stupid smirk, your crooked hat, your hamburger breath, and your 5:00AM shadow, and get all of that the hell out of my face.  Now-ish, please.

Seriously, I’m in a fucking hospital.  Get away dumb ass.

Have you no shame?


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