Honorable Mention: Fear the Hippy Drum Circle. Occupy Wall Street took the nation by storm (if by storm you mean a large cloud of pot smoke) this year, driving fear into the hearts–and pocketbooks–of millionaires across America. So much so that spraying old women and peaceful students with pepper spray became the new norm.
5. Rick Perry Farts in Public. Perry’s brain fart, marked by that signature “oops,” on what government agencies to eliminate was almost too painfully awkward to watch. Especially when his colleagues tried to save him from embarrassment.
4. Anthony Weiner tweets his wiener. For those of you who followed our “Weiner’s Wiener Watch,” you already know the details of this story. While we admit we were slightly impressed (and we suspect he might have just been bragging), this was still completely ridiculous. Who “accidentally” tweets their bulge to however many followers and then proceeds to claim no knowledge as to who could possibly be posing as the mystery dick in the photo? REALLY? We are still shaking our heads.
3. Donald Trump ran for president. Really? I can’t say I’m surprised the Donald thinks he’s qualified to be president, but he was really taking this far too seriously–and it seemed like most of the media was, too–for far too long. The White House is already kind of like a reality show (CSPAN.. what!!!), but are we ready to have an actual reality TV star as our commander-in-chief? We’re not ready for Vice President Khloe Kardashian.
2. Michele Bachman.
This year, Michele Bachman claimed that the HPV vaccine causes Autism based on what a random constituent told her. She, meanwhile, forgot to consider that people getting the HPV vaccine tend to be teenagers. Not young children. Not surprisingly, Michele has the tendency to… well… neglect science. Additionally, we’d like to remind you–Michele–that the camera is over here.
1. Herman Cain. Are you on board the Cain Train?
a. What and where is Libya?
Our pal Herman tried to contact the space aliens who provide him with information (or his brain runs like a crappy version of Google–a.k.a. Bing) and was searching through the tornado “swirling” around his brain, but alas he could not locate–or properly pronounce–Libya. Uzbeki-beki-stan-stan FTW!
b. Turning America into Sim City: 999
Cain’s flat tax concept was apparently pulled from an old version of Sim City. No, we’re not kidding.
c.”Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there’s so much on the line.” ~ Pokemon Movie Soundtrack / Herman Cain’s Campaign
A great poet also once said, “One booby, two booby, three booby, four… I touched four new boobies, and now I need more. I found me a limo, I filled it with tits. I went to the strip club, and gave away tips. I ran to the office to touch all the boobs, and there I found hundreds to rub up with lube. I smacked ’em, I squeezed ’em, I made them my life; but I kind of forgot that I still had a wife.” ~ Herman Cain
d. How many boobies can one man honk?
(See above poem.)