Why baby-faced men shouldn’t grow facial hair

I’m usually pretty open to however you want to style your hair(s). Do what you will. Even if you want to sport ridiculous chops, dude, go for it. This all changes when you’re a baby-faced man. Baby-faced men should not grow beards. Never. Never ever. Are you unconvinced? I present my photo gallery:

That would be Zac (“Where’s the k?”) Efron. Dude looks straight up creepy in the first two. Five o’clock shadow is all right, but the moustache and the weird patch goatee? NO. Not allowed.

Whatchu doin’, Shia? You look crazy. CRAZY and creepy I tell you.

Hot Jake Gyllenhaal with weird hat vs. Jake Gyllenhaal as Man from the Mountain: Hot Jake wins every time.

Robert Pattinson took the WRONG memo from the above photo. He looks like a pedophile/drugged-out homeless creeper. NO FACIAL HAIR FOR BABY-FACED MEN, DAMNIT.

If you still are unconvinced, I believe you are simply in denial. The threat of facial hair in baby-faced men is a very real and present danger. And if you don’t believe me, just ask Justin Bieber.

BIEBER BEARD???

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