Driving around this weekend enraged me again, so I thought I would share a few additional awful examples of driving/humanity, and reiterate some of the more important points that no one seems to know.
*For the first 10 Reasons, please see our previous post, “10 Reasons You’re Being a Driving Douche.”
- If it’s 8:57 AM, you’re not the only one running late for work. We all are. We have no sympathy for you. Don’t be a douchebag when everyone else is just as late. Very few people start work at 9:30, so get over yourself. Settle it down, Howard Dean. No one needs to get that hyped in the morning.
- Don’t assume that I’m controlling the car in front of me; are you controlling the car in front of you? (That’s me… and NO.) Don’t get mad at me. I can’t control them. I would also like to go faster, but I don’t have a ray gun. I also don’t have mind control powers. So… back the hell off!
- Children in the car = worse driving? If there are children with you, you should actually improve your driving, and make a real effort to not kill them.
- If you eat while you drive, prioritize. By that, I mean that the driving part is more important.
- Maintain your vehicle. If you don’t, we’ll all die.
- Remember that you are visible to other drivers, especially when stopped in traffic. We can see you picking your nose, doing your make-up, fighting with your passengers, and/or yelling at your kids. Maybe wait until you get home.
- Don’t do your make-up in the car. STUPID HEAD.
- Running lights are NOT enough. If it’s dark, turn on your big girl lights. Why is this so hard? Why? WHY?
- Use your turn signal, or I will crush you with my mind. I know that I previously said I didn’t have mind control powers, or a way to de-materialize the car in front me, which is still mostly true. It is only when I reach my highest level of anger possible that I can crush other people with my mind. This is figurative, y’all.
- STOP TEXTING.