10 Reasons Work Baby Showers Scare Me

  1. I don’t have kids; I’m closer to the age of most of my co-workers’ kids.
  2. I don’t really want kids any time soon, so hearing about how badly all of these other people want kids at work makes me feel weird and scared.
  3. No.  Never tell a birthing story at work.  I don’t know you.
  4. Wait!  Why is everyone telling their birthing story? NO! NO! NO!
  5. Please don’t make me touch your stomach.
  6. Someone will end up asking about my love life, which will then lead to questions about when and how I’ll be using my uterus.  NO THANKS!
  7. A party without alcohol is just a crowd.
  8. I don’t knit.  Deal with it.
  9. I just don’t know you well enough to be hearing about the intimate details of your life.  I doubt you want me to know this stuff either.
  10. I’m supposed to cook something AND bring a present!  Oh good, it’s expensive and time-consuming.
Bonus: Too many ladies.  I just can’t handle this.  It’s all in my head, but it freaks me out.  Say NO to babies, y’all.

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