In the middle of my hectic workday, the bathroom is often the only quiet place I can be. Those two minutes of silence are something I’ve come to enjoy. Though, truthfully, I just enjoy my privacy. When I am in a restroom, I expect to feel a sense of privacy. I expect literal privacy too. Lately, the bathrooms I’ve ventured to use have been attacked by loud-mouthed, pseudo-private, unsanitary phone-talkers. First of all, you are gross, bathroom-phone-talkers. You are all gross. I don’t care what you do in your own home, but in a place of work, how can a person feel okay about having a long, loud phone conversation whilst pooping and/or peeing? Have you no shame? What will the person with whom you’re speaking think of you? Why aren’t you worried about what your co-workers think of you?
Second, I am concerned that there are so many people who don’t seem to take if dirty body particles end up on their phones, phones that then end up on their hands and faces. Phones are already creepily dirty – I read somewhere that phones are often dirtier than toilet seats. Why aren’t these people more worried about germs?
Finally, I also just don’t want to hear about the personal details of your life, day, children’s life, children’s day, the soccer game you saw, the woman you hate, the state of your health, your mother’s health, your husband’s boss’s new car, the party you went to, what you hate, what you ate, what you’re thinking about, or any of that. Most of the sounds a person hears in a bathroom are private and a little uncomfortable, phone calls are included in that weirdness. I don’t want to hear this crap (pun-intended). If woman are so discreet that they won’t poop in a public restroom, why will they discuss their personal lives in public restrooms?
It’s weird. Stop it. Please.