When I was about four or five, there were leggings. It was 1992 and they had the strap that hooked under your foot to keep them stretched. I hated them because I had overly sensitive feet and didn’t like the strap. We called them “stirrup pants.”
Eighteen years later, we apparently needed to go back to the awful stirrup pants we wore as children when we were cute, small, and it didn’t matter if our underwear and/or diaper showed through our pants. But, let’s face it. We’re adults now and this is no longer acceptable. It’s really not okay for you to be showing off your panties. I don’t care if they have the word “PINK” plastered across your ass. I just don’t want to see it.
There are right and wrong ways to wear leggings. Going to work at the office? Yeah, choose something else to wear. Skin tight cotton “pants” don’t really work here. Work at a dance studio? Perfect! Throw on those leggings. Leggings can also be okay if you’re pairing them with a long sweater or something that doesn’t showcase your rear. The image below, for example, demonstrates an appropriate way of wearing everybody’s favorite un-pants.
As you can see, the long sweater prevents any unnecessary ass-showcasing and saves me from having to read your underwear.
So, let’s get this straight: Good Leggings don’t showcase your butt in weird ways, aren’t translucent, politely conceal your underwear, and don’t look trashy/lazy/frumpy. Got it? Great.
Problem is, I don’t trust you. I know you’re going to go out there and buy an awful pair of leggings, and I’m going to hold myself partially responsible. So, I’m providing you with a simple, easy-to-use guide of What Leggings Not To Wear. Observe:
Pleather/leather leggings are a resounding NO.
Whatever these are… also a no. And put a freakin’ shirt on, lady.
Ripped leggings… Are you homeless? Do you pull your clothes out of the dumpster behind Goodwill? Then stop dressing like you do.
When pleather wasn’t bad enough, they gave us metallic leggings. Unless you’re the bastard leprechaun from Notre Dame, don’t wear these.
AKJSHDKLAJSHFKJASD?!/??!??!?!?! IF YOU ARE PREGNANT, YOU DON’T NEED TO WEAR LEGGINGS. NO!
Hopefully by now you have the tools and know-how to determine for yourself which styles of leggings are appropriate and which are not. So do us all a favor and lay off the bad un-pants.