How To Change A Lightbulb

How many undergraduate college students does it take to change a lightbulb?  Apparently, it takes more than 1, or 2, or 3.

This is a lightbulb.

Why are you all so stupid?

As an apartment manager, I see lots of people who need help with stupid things, but the people who need help changing lightbulbs take the cake.  They take the cake of stupidity.  There are students who live in these buildings who have figured out how to lease an apartment, buy a car, get into college and yet, they cannot change a lightbulb.  They actually find lightbulb changes confounding.  There are actual adult people out there who cannot change lightbulbs without direction.

People call me, at all hours of the day, and say that their lights are broken.  THEY ACTUALLY SAY THAT THEIR LIGHTS ARE BROKEN.  They don’t understand that lightbulbs burn out.  They don’t know that they need to simply replace the bulbs.  They haven’t even considered it.

How is this possible?  How have none of these people dealt with burnt out bulbs before?  HOW? WHY? HOW?

One girl was so dumb, she didn’t even know where to buy lightbulbs, or how much they cost.  They can be found in hardware stores, grocery stores, Target, Meijer, WalMart, EVERYWHERE.  They are not expensive.  They are lightbulbs.   What really got me about this stupid jerk of a girl is that she pointed to a light fixture that was hanging above her kitchen table, and she said, “But, where can I find a lightbulb that big?”

NO!  That’s a light fixture.  That is not a lightbulb.  It is a piece of tinted glass that goes over a couple of normal-sized bulbs to look nicer and provide a lot of light.  It’s actually pretty simple if you think about it.  It’s a fixture.  It’s not a lightbulb.  Take the light fixture off the wall, or chain, or ceiling.  Do this by unscrewing the little screws poking out of the sides of the rim to loosen the hold on the piece of glass.  Carefully remove the piece of glass from the rim.  Now, unscrew the old lightbulb from the socket.  Now, screw the new lightbulb into the socket.  Finally, reattach the piece of glass by pushing it into the big rim and screw the screws back in.

You did it.

Great for you.

Finally, I want to express that I hate you completely and entirely.  I think you are an idiot and I don’t ever want to talk to you again.  You are ridiculous.  How don’t you know how to change a lightbulb?  How do you not understand how light fixtures happen, or that they house little, normal lightbulbs?  How do you not know that lightbulbs burn out?  How?  How?

I hate you all.

One thought on “How To Change A Lightbulb

  1. I absolutely love this post. Now over here in Asia it’s entirely possible for a light bulb in your friggin home to be so high off the ground that you almost need a fireman’s ladder to get to it, but that’s a different problem. I can buy lightbulbs without even speaking the language. I think I spend most of my life waiting for stupid people to catch up with me. They must be my biggest annoyance. Really, they must be.

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