Your Car is a POS. Deal With It.

Every once in a while I’ll see one zoom past me. The piece of shit car that’s been ‘revamped’ with a set of rims, a ridiculous speaker system that makes my ears melt from the inside out, a paint job that more often than not involves racing stripes or lightning bolts (or some other visual indication of “my car is fast“), neon headlights, and/or a wing/spoiler/giant-fin-thing or whatever that is near the trunk area.

Dear insane car owner, you know that no matter how you spin it, you’re still driving a piece of shit 1994 Geo Metro, right? I don’t care what you do to that car, it’s always going to look like it belongs to a nice grey-haired old lady.

No matter how you swing it, it's still a Honda Civic from the 90s.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was the proud owner of a 1996 Chevrolet Corsica (RIP Frankenstein), but I knew my POS car was just that–a POS. I didn’t try to cover that up with paint and a gimmicky method of opening the doors. For all the money that people dump into the aesthetic appeal–if you can call it that–of a car whose engine and other functional parts are fifteen years old, they could buy a newer, nicer vehicle. For example:

Rims: Set of 4, roughly $4500

Spoiler/Rear Wing: $200

Paint Job: Between $500 and $50,000

Sound System: $500-$1000

Estimating on the low end of all these, you’ve got $5700. You could buy a normal, decent car that will run for at least the next five years on that. Take the two grand you likely dumped into a POS subcompact and you’re looking at a $7700 price tag.

That all said, if you’re still banking on getting chicks by telling them about your giant rear spoiler, good luck.

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