Classic Joke? Here’s a Class Rant

You’ve heard the damn joke.  The one about the damn duck.  Just in case, here’s my angry-fied version:


A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”

The bartender, who is rightly confused, tells the duck that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck says, “Thank you,” and leaves.

The next day, the same stupid talking duck returns and asks, “Got any grapes?”

Again, the reasonable and strangely unalarmed by the talking duck bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes.  Maybe he even offers the duck grape vodka, but no real grapes.

The duck, as unaffected as ever, just says, “Thanks, but no thanks,” and leaves like a jerk.

The next day, the duck is back and the same damn thing happens again.

The day after that, the duck comes again (also, like a jerk), and says, “Got any grapes?”

Since the bartender is finally annoyed and realizing that a stupid duck is TALKING TO HIM, he yells, “Duck! This is a bar! We don’t serve any friggin’ grapes! We barely serve bar buts, you ass!  If you ask for grapes again, I’ll nail your stupid yellow beak to the damn bar!”

So, then the next day, THE FRICKIN’ DUCK COMES BACK.  The bartender is too mad to speak.  The duck just looks at him with his stupid duck eyes and says, “Got any nails?”

The bartender furrows his brow, and says, “NO,” with quiet rage.

The duck smirks like an asshole and says, “Well, then… Got any grapes?”

While I have to acknowledge that my angry version of this joke is probably funnier than the original, it’s still awful.

I hate this joke.  I will never acknowledge its humor.  Why does the stupid duck want grapes?  Ducks don’t even eat those!  Ducks are crazy!  They don’t give a wisp of a care about grapes.  My dog would eat anything, but grapes were a mystery to him and I think they just weirded him out… IF A DOG WON’T EAT GRAPES, WHY THE HELL WOULD A DUCK?  Ridiculous.

Also, why is a duck in a bar?  Why can the duck talk?  Why is this NEVER ADDRESSED?  Why isn’t the bartender more freaked out by the fact that the duck is talking?

Ugh… I hate this joke.

God.  And there’s a song?!?!?!?!




Readers, what jokes do you find most unacceptable?  Let me know.


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