Haters!!1!!1! (part one)

Urban Dictionary defines “hater” as “A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesnt [sic] really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock somelse [sic] down a notch.”

I hear this word a lot in rap/hip-hop songs. Often the user is referring to the haters as their own, as in “I got haters.” Okay, so maybe hip-hop stars can legitimately make this claim. I can reasonably believe that people are jealous of someone with fame, money, women, etc. I start to raise my skeptic flag high, however, when I see stuff like this on Twitter and YouTube from Average Joe and Average Jane.

Additionally, when these people say ‘haters,’ they do, it seems, wish to imply a vague sense of jealousy radiating from the accused party toward themselves. Recall the phrase ‘Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…’ yadda yadda. But really?

Here’s the facts: no one knows you so nobody can hate you. You don’t have an unspecified, shadowy group of ‘haters.’ You’re 12, or at least have the mentality of a 12 year old. No one is scanning through your Facebook photos or your 140 character tweets thinking about how much they want to be you. What do you have? Other than way too much time on your hands to be informing the world wide intarwebs that they’re all your haters…

This also applies to all you idiots who use the phrase ‘BE JEALOUS!!!!’ after you state what you’re doing. Why not just ask people to be happy for you? Why promote bad feelings? Why must you revel in 12 year old internet drama?! You really just end up looking like a fool, because everyone knows you don’t have haters. You just have eye-rollers. Same goes for the claim of fake vs. real. You’re “so real”? IT’S THE INTERNET, GODDAMNIT! Nothing is real! Nothing has mass or density or volume! Therefore–not real!

To sum up, I leave you with the wisdom of the 4chan superstar known as Jessi Slaughter, who is an imbalanced, foul-mouthed, eleven year-old phenomenal combo of stupidity and insanity, and the “Leave Britney Alone” Guy, Chris Crocker. Don’t take my word for why using terms and phrases like ‘haters,’ ‘be jealous,’ and ‘fake’ is dumb. Watch and learn (beware for work; this is definitely not suitable for the office!):

One thought on “Haters!!1!!1! (part one)

  1. Pingback: “Haterade/H8ERADE.” | RANTING & RAISING CONCERNS

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