I’m starting to get worried about our country because we don’t seem to know that British Royalty is not American Royalty. The paparazzi are freaking out because Prince William and Princess Kate (or is she the Duchess of Cambridge? Whatever, you know who I mean) are in America, traveling about and meeting people. They’ve arrived and all of America is overwhelmed with excitement.
First, there was the engagement. The dress! The ring! Holy balls, people were pumped. The interviews played over and over again, dresses were made and bought and bought and bought and bought. The woman is beautiful, the man is attractive (was more attractive a few years ago), but settle it down. They’re royal, yes. They are also just two people randomly pushed into the spotlight because his bloodline is special. Yet, their faces appeared on plates, posters, coins and all other kinds of paraphernalia. They were on mugs, people. Unacceptable.
After the engagement, the wedding happened, and this is when our brains exploded. BOOM! Reporters predicted useless information about what might happen, then they freaked out over the tiniest details. The dress was beautiful, and I’m sure the ceremony was nice, but I didn’t watch it because I don’t know them and weddings are effing boring! All wedding ceremonies are boring. Well, all wedding ceremonies that happen in churches… sorry.
So, now that they’ve descended on America, it’s happening again. We’re watching them, we’re really, really watching them.
What are Wills and Kate doing? Where are they going? Who are they talking to? What are they saying to each other? What are they saying to other people? Did they just talk to a celebrity? Who was it? Who was it? What is Kate wearing? OH MY GOD, what is she wearing? We just wanna know what she’s wearing!!
I just don’t get it. They’re just people. They’re not even American Royalty. They’re from another country and they’re pretty. Get over it, you hags!