The next time your mouth does something regrettable, I recommend writing it a letter like the one below. If that doesn’t work, then slap the smile right off it. Silly mouth… shhh!
Please be quiet. You’re always getting me into so much trouble and I really can’t stand it any longer. Today, at work, you and heart got together without involving brain and started making big decisions – bad decision. If they don’t fire me today, they might on Monday and it’s all because you opened yourself up to the world and said, “Hey everyone! I’ve got an uninformed opinion! Who wants to hear it?” Then, sadly, someone listened. A really big, important someone listened.
[Mouths often like to express opinions before they actually know things… For example: Mouth said, “Why is Karen telling everyone she’s going to Mexico for vacation? We all know that her husband can’t afford that… At least for her, I mean we all know he took his mistress there 3 months ago. She is so clueless.” Mouth doesn’t know anything about Karen’s husband.]
My co-workers, whose mouths are far more reasonable, supported you and continue to do so against their better judgment. Now, mouth, don’t get me wrong, it’s good to have support. However, it’s bad to get into trouble and it’s really bad to get others into trouble with you. It is especially bad to get others into trouble with you when those people are nice, decent and very concerned people. One co-worker’s heart even blamed herself for your actions, mouth. Your actions, not hers.
[Mouths often get louder around other mouths as they wish to be heard, they wish to yell, they crave the attention.]
The worst of it, mouth, is not actually what you said, it’s who you said it to… You looked at your organization, your workplace, and thought, “Hmm… Who’s the most important person in this place? Oh, I know, I’ll approach her!” You idiot! You fool! You suck! Basically your bad judgment, your need for self-righteous campaigning has led to embarrassment of the whole body… not just you, mouth.
Oh, mouth, you’ve screwed us all again.