When to dance… : This is a bar, not a discotheque.

It's raining and you love the rain.  Keep dancing.     I don’t know how other people feel, but I find it incredibly annoying when people try to make bars, especially sports bars, into clubs.  If there isn’t a dance floor, the place wasn’t designed for a lot of dancing.  More likely than that, the owners wanted people to stand around and talk, watch tv, and sit at tables and booths.  The owners have not given you a place to shake your ass, show your ass or to jiggle it, so maybe just don’t.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to dance.  I love to dance like an idiot sometimes, and sometimes I like to dance like a stripper.  However, there are times when that just isn’t okay.

If no one else is dancing, maybe reconsider your motives for dancing.  Are you dancing because you’re happy, or are you dancing because you want that hottie with the spiked hair and the Ed Hardy t-shirt to notice you?  Dancing is about joy, not mating.  If you’re interested in someone, maybe go talk to them instead of trying to hypnotize them with your love dance.  Let me give some examples of appropriate occasions to be the only one dancing:

1. It’s your wedding and this is the first dance.  You are correct.  Keep dancing.

2. You are the first person assigned to dance as part of a flash mob – a planned and informed flash mob.  If it’s your cue, keep dancing and enjoy the ensuing mob.

3. You’re in a music video, which calls for a single person to be dancing at a given point.  Congratulations, you’re in a music video.  Enjoy it.  Keep dancing.

4. You’re at a middle school dance and you want to inspire your peers to begin the actual “dance” part.  That’s awesome.  You have some serious confidence and I respect that.  Keep dancing.

5. Your age is <13.  You’re a child, so you should dance whenever you need to.  Definitely, keep dancing.

6. You’re not in public.  Cool, do whatever.  Keep dancing.

7. You’re alone and no one can see you.  Also cool.  You’re basically just working out.  Keep dancing.

8. You’re dancing to make a sad friend happy.  Good intentions.  Keep dancing.

9. It’s raining, it’s warm, you love dancing, and you love the rain.  This is a major opportunity.  Go outside and keep dancing.

10. You’re in the car and you’re bored.  An amazing song comes on.  Go ahead, rock out.  Keep dancing.

I’m not saying that these are the only occasions that make dancing alone okay.  I’m saying that people need to be more careful about where and why they’re dancing.  If you are only dancing because you’re horny and you want someone to notice you and hit on you, you should make sure other people are dancing, or at least that there is a dance floor where you are.  If not, you’ll just look desperate, and that’s not cute.  Also, if you get hit on while you’re dancing alone in an inappropriate place, the person hitting on you is probably a creeper.

Here are some occasions that make dancing alone unacceptable.  *Note that a little dance of joy, a quick shimmy and other such informal dance moves are almost always acceptable – not in job interviews, but generally speaking.  Here, dancing refers to all-out booty-shaking party dancing… Club style and intense dancing.

1. You are between the ages of 13 – 18, and you are dancing to look sexy.  Stop it.  It’s not working, and it’s creepy.  Don’t hump the air.  Do your homework.  Stop dancing.

2. You’re in a bar without a dance floor.  You have moved chairs to make space for your “moves.”  You are only going to look desperate and embarrass yourself.  Also, you might get kicked out.  I’ve seen it.  Stop dancing.

3. You’re wasted, and you’ve just discovered that you can break dance.  Stop!  You can’t really break dance.  You will only hurt yourself.  Stop dancing.  Also, drink some water.

4. Everyone around you is under 25.  You are over 40.  Stop dancing.

5. Everyone around you is over 40.  You are under 25.  Stop dancing.

6. You are at a funeral.  The deceased did not ask for dancing.  There is no music.  Stop dancing.

7. You’re boobies are showing.  NO.  Not okay.  Stop dancing.

8. Someone is injured.  Seek medical attention and stop dancing.

Check your reasoning and be careful.  Dancing is joyous.  Also, most of life is not a music video, so there is no reason to shake your money maker like somebody’s about to pay you… because no one is going to pay you.  You know that saying, “Dance like no one is watching;” I wish more people did that.  Dancing by yourself could be wonderful and beautiful.  Dancing can reflect joy, love and good humor, but when people dance for attention, for lust and for free drinks, it’s embarrassing.  It’s embarrassing in a bad way.  Dancing because you’re happy, or because you know it will make a sad person happy, or because the song playing makes you feel so good, it just comes out, those are all beautiful reasons to be embarrassed.  That’s the kind of embarrassed that makes everyone feel happier.  I’m just saying, if you’re dancing, make sure you can be proud of how embarrassing it is.

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